Dialysis.
They say it gets better, but let me tell you it FUCKING
SUCKS. All I can do is sit here in
denial and look at my life and wonder what the hell happened to me?? Where AM I?? Because this isn’t me.
This life isn’t mine.
Nothing about this is what I want.
I want to go back to kidney failure. At least I knew what to expect then. But right now everything feels shaken
up, and I don’t even know what meds to take or what foods to eat. I have eaten about 500 calories for the
last three days.
I feel abandoned. Abandoned, abandoned, abandoned,
abandoned, abandoned, abandoned. I feel betrayed betrayed betrayed
betrayed. I feel angry angry angry
angry angry. I feel sad sad sad
sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad.....
I have to go throw u
I have to go throw u
(Later, when I read this it is so sad to me. I was so close to tears at all times that my eyes would water when I was laughing. This was what I consider to have been my rock bottom. I was really scared and sad. When I am sad, I get angry. And I had no words to articulate my feelings. But I find this entry fascinating.)
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