Sophomore year

During my sophomore year of college, I didn't really perform much.  I didn't get cast in mainstage shows.  I wanted to believe it was because I was so sick, but now I know it was probably just because I was a sophomore girl.  It happens.  But I needed the time to focus on the life changes of living with a chronic illness.  It isn't easy, especially as a college student.  I had to watch my friends drink, pig out, sleep around, and party when I had to watch my diet, take pills, and get more sleep.  

But I worked my butt off in classes.  I suffered steroid side effects which deformed my face and gave me intense muscle pain and weakness, making ballet and stage combat really difficult.  Having your body betray you while you are trying to control it as an artform is a constant struggle.  They called me "The Poster Child of Stage Combat" because of all the bruises I used to get (and now I know why I had so many of them).  

I had really supportive close friends that brought me to doctors when they could.  Back then, the only way to test your kidney function was to collect your urine in a jug for 24 hours and turn it in for protein testing.  I was taking eight classes a week, and most of those days I was going from class to class without any time between.  So yup, you guessed it.  I had to carry my urine around with me in a duffel bag to my college classes.  It became a big joke with my close friends.  It was really embarrassing when it sloshed around, but what was I supposed to do?  It was one of the reasons I wore comfortable clothes everywhere I went.  I had to carry four bags: One for books, one for dance clothes, one for pills and bananas (for muscle cramps), and one for urine.  Yeah, I was cute.

But I survived my sophomore year and by the spring they had tapered me down to a manageable level of steroids.  Sure there was some horrible gout experiences and massive steroid rages.  But my kidneys calmed down and I was basically trying to preserve them as long as I could.  

I always joked that eating total and bananas with skim milk every morning while my room mate ate skittles and pepsi was just unfair.  I had always struggled with my weight and my health kept me from really enjoying my body.  The idea of posing for a pin up picture was THE LAST THING i ever would have done at this point.